Arrogance through the back door

Last week I mentioned a concept that often we see arrogance and narcissism where in fact there is exactly the opposite, insecurity and low self-esteem.

Sometimes the process can be exactly the opposite.

Two men were standing in a public art gallery, admiring a collection that had been donated by an anonymous donor. One man turns to the other and gestured for him to come closer. He cupped his hand over his mouth and whispered softly into the other’s ear “I am the anonymous donor.”

False humility is the purest form of arrogance. Real humility cannot ever be detected, because the deeds of the individual are never known.

It isn’t that the average ‘humble’ individual doesn’t want recognition, but rather they want a certain kind of recognition. They want the credit of anonymity to escort the recognition.

If you have ever been disappointed or angered at not having received recognition for a kindness you have done, then you fall into this group.

“I didn’t do it for the recognition, but they should’ve at least sent a card/text/email to show their appreciation.” – does this sound familiar?

But perhaps there is even a more sinister side to false humility; wanting to be the only giver.

There is giving and taking, but there is also giving and receiving.

Taking is absorbing all that which is thrown your way, whether as a reward for something, perhaps what you’ve done (like a compliment) or for who you are (gift).

Receiving, on the other hand, is another form of giving. It is the ability to make the space to allow others to show gratitude. At times we have to allow others the opportunity to expunge themselves of feeling a sense of indebtedness. By denying them that opportunity, because “We don’t want to be recognised”, we doop ourselves into a form of arrogance that has disguised itself as a selfless march towards piety.

Arrogance through the back door.