The little white lie that snowballed

Why trying to protect others usually ends up hurting them

Trust is the cornerstone of all relationships. Their success depends on believing the person that we are speaking to, and trusting everything they say.

That being said, there are times in life where we seek to hide the painful truth from those to whom we are deeply connected. Our motives are often sincere; we want to spare them from the stress and anxiety of the truth so we tell a ‘little white lie’.

The best litmus test of whether these lies are helpful in relationships is to reverse the roles.

Would you prefer to be lied to or told the truth?

This inconsistency is very problematic not only because we are breaching the trust of those who depend on us, but also because the very idea of ‘sparing ‘ someone pain often snowballs into bigger pain.

Invariably, little white lies evolve into larger lies in order to cover the tracks of the original lie. The inability of the liar to backtrack leads him down a path of perpetual lying, which will inevitably be discovered.

Once the lid is lifted on this game, trust is broken forever. The relationship is irreparably damaged and often spirals into a vicious cycle of mistrust. Every statement is viewed sceptically and even the truth is doubted. “The punishment of the liar is that even when they tell the truth, no one believes them.”

The short-term pain of sharing your fears and failings with those who you care about is more likely to bring you closer together. Hiding them in an attempt to show that “I know what you need” causes long-term pain that cuts deeper and leaves scars ... if they heal at all.